The Thread & The Baking

I never thought I would be so happy at the Mall. I can honestly tell you it was one of the most fun times of my life. I know that sounds extreme, but I guess after going through something so extreme the smallest things can be so meaningful. I would have missed my son running throughout the Disney store with a pocket-sized self-fan buzz light year as his jacket hangs on for dear life from falling off his right shoulder.  A single thread held this now locked away memory in my heart forever. A single thread stitches my lips to my wife’s, as I kiss her next to the Mickey Mouse Club House.


The mall looks like a lit up train station with all moving parts working as one.  People and their carts leaning over to sell their odd items with their over-gelled hair and pointy dress shoes. Steam from the food mart moves around the mall like a cates back shifting and turning up into our hound sniffing noses.  Chatter amongst the echoing hallways that ring’s aloud with children’s laughter and footstep of clatter is an orchestra of hope and comfort that gives me a certain peace in a high energy atmosphere.  Watching my wife try on makeup in Macy’s made me so happy. I sat back and watched her as I slightly tucked away into the men’s polo department while Lincoln ran underneath the racks roaring like a dinosaur. Finally, my wife can focus on something else besides tragedy and death, the small thread that holds us together, the untold future that weighs upon us, and the uncertainty that this life can hold. I have found that the more you love, the fear of loss weighs heavy. The stronger the heart the weaker the knees. The tighter the bond the scarier the break. I love my family so much that the thread above holds a lot of weight praying it never breaks.  Finally my wife can focus on her, all while getting lost in a world of beauty and mirrors, high chairs and smelly odors, while worker’s in long white coats praise Jessica’s natural beauty with hand expressions while using the word “Hunny” a lot!


I grabbed Lincoln and told Jess we were going down to the little boy section down the escalator right in front of the makeup booth were Jess was getting makeup applied onto her already beautiful face. She said “ok” with no words being projected with a big smile and a puppet wave. I remember feeling like a little boy holding onto my little boy as we told mom we were going to be right back. I love family teamwork in a massive public place, it truly brings you together even more. Lincoln pulled an “Elf” getting on the escalator. I died laughing as he looked up at me with his half missing teeth and gave me a little laugh, not knowing it was from a movie, but just knowing that dad was laughing so he would to. We arrived to the bottom of the Disney land ride, and into a world of men’s and boy’s cloths and smells of leather and cologne. Before we wondered over to the little boy section like cavemen finding fire for the first time, my interest grabbed me and pulled me over the men’s clothing section. All of a sudden I just needed so desperately new cloths. Who new? I became a hyena, searching through cloths like a dog in the back ally dumpster. I felt so bad for the Macy’s worker due to me messing up all the cloths so horribly, knowing he or she would have to come over and re-fold them. knowing this more than others due to working retail as a teenager. So as a nice Christian man with his little dinosaur son scurrying around the city of racks and waterfalls of cloths I attempted to re-fold the cloths.  I soon realized that I had absolutely no need getting, nor needing new clothes. I calmed down and came back to my senses, putting my hands on my hip and leaning back as if I just got done stacking hay under the barn cover before the rain came in for the night. I then smiled and put my hand on my face, realizing that I made more of a mess trying to refold the cloths than just leaving them be. So I left them be and moved on down to the little boys section with Lincoln. Once we arrived we didn’t stay long, due to the fact I totally forgot that we will be visiting Grandma’s house in a few days (my mom’s house) in Redmond Oregon to see my sisters new little baby girl Talula. What does this mean?… It means the mother goose loves taking Lincoln shopping at Fred Myers! So there is no need for daddy to buy a bunch of clothes!

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My wife had bags in her hand so I knew she made out good. With a kiss and a hug we began our fairy tale journey throughout the Clackamas mall.  We arrived to Barnes and Noble and shared a slice of pumpkin pie cheesecake together at the coffee shop inside. Outside the mall, but still inside we were. Trapped by glass walls and shelves filled with price tags we were happy prisoners of this business and “on the clock smiles”. Nothing fake about this family though, we made a small adventure into Disney Land. The smallest errands into the biggest pearl. Taking the simple things in life and enjoying every second. God must be smiling down as we sit around and talking about each bite amongst the loud mall sounds. God killed me to be here at this exact moment. Free will he has given us, but a plan and purpose he has within us. I am forever grateful to the Lord for giving me life after death to enjoy the cheesecake with my family at the coffee shop surrounded by windows and stories.

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Excited to say that my wife and I (and I have to admit it was my idea) we are going to start baking. What we are going to do is bake together and take pictures throughout the bake and of the final product. We were even thinking about YouTubing each baking session for y’all to join in on! I don’t know if that would be something y’all would want to watch? We decided while we were now looking for a baking cook book on the lower level of Barnes and Nobel that we were going to make a separate IG for all our baking adventures. Shopping, cooking, making a mess, cake kissing, and of course showing y’all what we made so maybe you would want to make it to. We will even post the recipe for you….o, that’s a good idea. As you can see this is something very new but exciting. A small thing once again, but so meaningful and important. Something that I can do with my wife that keeps us kissing in the kitchen, making love and loving making love. Doing dishes by the hip and singing songs with spoon full of Skip. You the reader, after reading this go home and tell your loved one your new idea about your couple baking adventure. We must start acting on ideas that bring us closer together. Yes, my wife and I are close and share many things in common, but it’s not good enough. Just like we talk about in training, we must demand more pr’s, more success, more gainz. This goes for relationships across the board as well. We must strive for more love, more bonding, more interaction, and more deep entwined passion. Cooking is one, many more lay in front of you this morning. Sometimes you have to go looking. Sometimes it falls in your lap.

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The sky was dark and the rain drops laid asleep in my passenger side window. I can’t drive for some time due to the cardiac arrest, so I’m being escorted around by my wife as I look at the window in pure joy like a kid on the way to first football practice. I am alive and with the ones I love. My wife grabbed my left leg, I then laid my hand over hers and we both smiled at one another as the rain came down and Lincoln slept soundly in the back of our family Subaru (that of course we got a killer deal from my dad up in Seattle). It’s interesting, the last few days we have been driving since my cardiac arrest, not once have we turned on the radio. Either dead peaceful silence, or small talk between one another. Sometimes as simple as listening to the rain fall is the only sound one needs. The rain might fall, but I refuse to ever fall again. I must be here for my family. I must keep the thread strong.

The small things



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